The Candidate in support of Zombie Energy….and Free Ponies
International Business Times is covering presidential candidate Vermin Supreme
He wants to be your next President.....Mr. Vermin Supreme...
Wearing a lime green sweater, several ties around his neck and his signature black rubber-boot hat, Supreme started his speech in an unlikely fashion.
“Gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation long enough and must be stopped,” he began. “For too long this country has been suffering a great moral and oral decay in spirit and incisors.”
In his speech, Supreme discussed a number of key mandates he would promote as president, most importantly a mandatory tooth-brushing law.
“America, my name is Vermin Supreme, I am a friendly fascist,” he told the audience. “I am a tyrant that you should trust, and you should let me run your life because I do know what is best for you.”
He also expressed support for a free-pony-for-every-American entitlement program to create “lots and lots of jobs,” which would “lower our dependence on foreign oil” and help enrich the soil by turning “pony poop into methane gas and a wonderful compost.”
Supreme further discussed a plan in the New Hampshire forum for zombies to turn “giant turbines” filled with dangling brains in an effort to “harness the awesome power of zombies for energy sources” and “lessen America’s dependence on foreign oil.”
Supreme’s closing statement, like much of his campaign, was weird to say the least. The satirist sang a plea for votes to the tune of the Chicken Dance and then glitter-bombed the notoriously homophobic lesser-known Democratic candidate, Randall Terry, claiming “Jesus told me to make Randall Terry gay.